I Need The Beast!: Life drawing dump

5 minutes
(Is it me or did I totally disney-fy her hair?)

5 minutes

So today hasn't been the best day ever.
I guess I'm still feeling a little down about my rejection. It's hard to constantly keep your head up. I mean obviously I'm going to keep trying and never give up, but there are just days when you ask yourself why you are doing this when there are so many people out there who are already better than you. I mean really, what do I have to add? I feel like no one ever taught me how to actually think. People taught me how to follow the guidelines and rewarded me for doing what they wanted. But to be a truly great artist you have to think for yourself...something I don't know how to do.

3 minutes each

I'm also really curious as to why I didn't get into Calarts. I mean, I don't think I'm some amazing artist or that I should totally be their top pick, but I did feel fairly confident, especially after improving so much after one year, and I actually liked my portfolio. So what was wrong?
Well I emailed Libby, twice, because I'm so anxious to know. She got back to me today saying she was too busy to give me my notes right now. If I really absolutely had to know I could call and she could say a bit, but if I wanted more thorough advice I should wait until May 1st. Ugh. How many notes could there have been?? I guess I will wait though, because I do want the full story. No more of this "just keep at it!" crap. I want real feedback this time, dammit.
Calarts never ceases to surprise me. Sometimes in the good way, but often in the bad. I'm really surprised at some of their decisions this year, and it leaves me feeling as clueless as when I started. I get mad sometimes, when I see people who are obviously good at drawing and could probably succeed in the program get rejected. This year must have been tough, I'm seeing some really talented people get crushed.

Personally, I feel as if my supplemental section fell short, as well as my sketch-book. I honestly think my basic figure drawing skills are decent enough for an entry level animation student (of course I'm not perfect and have tons more to learn, but you catch my drift) I lack in illustration skills. A lot of people apply this to their figure drawings, which I need to figure out. But also just in my fine arts stuff. I included a lot of random shit, including some boring school assignments, and none of it was super stellar.
Also my sketchbooks are full of lots of random shit. I always see these sketchbooks where every page is an amazing composition.
So I guess there are two things to work on.

3 minutes

So I guess I'm gonna go to every life drawing I can while I'm still here. And I'm going to experiment with style and composition in those, really explore, be very loose. None of this stuff really counts right now anyways. That is what I was going for tonight. I think it's showing a bit.

I'm also starting a challenge to do something quick in GIMP every day for 100 days so I can keep at the digital painting goal. Hopefully there will be some improvement, and maybe I can develop a style of digital art I'm happy with.

2 minutes

Still, with all this reform and hope, I am really tired and sad all the time. I've been trying everything. Improved diet, exercise every day, regular bed times, balanced social interaction, reading, structured days...and none of it seems to be helping. Sigh. I just want to go home at this point. I'm a bit interested to hear from Sheridan still, but gah, who knows. Just...who knows.