Portfolio...Maybe

Well, I didn't really want to post this, but I felt as if I was obligated. So here we are, the rough portfolio I have put together to send off within the next what? 10 days? Geez.

It will start with a self portrait...which I still have to finish.

Then, these gesture sillehoutes (sp?)
Not perfectly straight in this picture

A bunch of my best gestures

I don't know about the top one, but I've always been fond of the bottom

At NPD, libby commened on the exagerrated hip here. She said I like to do weird stuff like that a lot. I do, it's true

See? It's true

I was thinking about cropping this one to cut off the legs, which I feel are weak because I ran out of time, but my mom said it was good as it is. She was an art teacher for awhile, so I trust her opinion.

I am going to include the one man I've ever drawn for some variety. Also because I still think this is pretty good, and shows a little bit of technical skill.

I am unsure about this one, as it is a little messy in some spots, and also a bit old.

But I guess it's no older than these two either.

I am definitely including this one, I always get good comments about it

I'll always like this peice, although I am not sure why. Maybe it's the face?

Love the colors and perspective.

I am not very partial to pink, but it works for me here. I like the shape the whole body makes. It's not necessarily anatomically correct, but I think it is interesting, especially for a laying pose

I don't think I will include this one because I sprayed some fixative on it and the color just....left. You can barely even see it anymore. Which makes me really mad, because I really liked it

This one made my mom comment on my hip habit with the little chunk that always sticks out. I am telling you, the model just has a weird body. I hate when people tell me I am doing it wrong, when I am just drawing what I see. At least 50% of these are the same woman, because she tends to come in a lot, so that's why it's there! >_<

I don't know how I feel about this one. I kind of like it a lot, but then again not so much.

I don't know about this one either. I don't feel its necessary. It's a cool idea, but really, what does it show the committee? Besides creativity, not much. But I guess thats pretty important. I want to show them I am thinking

I get some pretty good feedback about this one, so I guess near the end it goes. I like it too.

The very last peice is this one, which people always love for some odd reason that I still don't understand. I still don't find it particularly impressive, but hey, I guess if they like it I'll go with the flow. I guess it is pretty interesting for a sitting pose

Supplemental work...not necessarily in this order. I just feel it would be good to include some non-figure work.

I just realized the top one should be upside down. The bottom one got obliterated by my camera, but it shows a whole ton of perspective

Kitty! Because I can.

I'll also include some detail shots of my short story graphic novely thing, as well as my 280 page sketchbook, which hopefully I will finish soon. I have about 100 pages left >_<>

Anyway, I am really frustrated. People online tell me I have no understanding of anatomy or structure. I am not sure I understand this critique. I know some of my stuff isn't perfect or anything, but I think I get it pretty well. It's not like I haven't studied anatomy in books or anything, and I've done tons of gestures and practice stuff for anatomy. And the more I do the less I feel like it is helping. I don't know...sometimes I wonder if I just have a really twisted perspective from everyone else. Or maybe I am just making up excuses. I can't tell. All I know is that I have improved, but no one else seems to agree.

I do feel like a loser though. Why am I even bothering to apply? My portfolio is so inferior to everyone elses, I don't stand a chance. I'm just a stupid kid telling myself I can do something before I am even ready.

The thing is, I just don't want to stay in town anymore. I don't want to wait any longer before getting into a world where the people are actually...cool. Not getting in would mean staying around in colorado for another year. That means I'd have to stick to friends who are staying in town too, people which I'm not very fond of lately. Or scrambling to find yet another set of new friends, a process which I just can't undertake for the what is it? 7th time?

I've been really depressed lately, and it has really stopped me from doing everything. I can't draw when I want to, I can't be social, I can't get out of bed in the morning. It's torture. I don't know what to do, I just don't have the time to blow off any steam.