Friday, March 5, 2010

Not what I was expecting...but good I guess

Here is the email I was sent in regards to the notes on my portfolio

"Hi Meredith- I'm sorry- I've been so busy this week, but your file is right here on my desk.The notes indicate that it may be too soon (in terms of your drawing skill level) but that it is a good start. I would suggest you keep up with your figure drawing classes and keep a sketchbook you can draw in from life every day.If you are going to reapply and have any other questions, just let me know.
Best, Libby"

Pretty short and sweet. Exactly what I heard at NPD last September (gosh that seems like such a long time ago!) I was hoping for more...constructive criticism, considering this is what I've been told and told myself over a thousand times.
Sometimes drawing is the most frustrating thing ever, because no one can tell you how to do it. They can show you how they do it, but thats only helpful in a few aspects. Its this big process of discovery that feels like such a mystery to me. I'll draw and draw and draw for months and nothing with happen and then one day CLICK I suddenly am so much better at something I've been struggling with. It's weird, annoying, frustrating. Gah.
This is the reason I love drawing though. I could be talented and successful at any subject I choose to pursue, I'm not a stupid person, and I have really good work ethic (when I want to anyway haha) but drawing is the toughest for me (ok, besides statistics) I find it the most challenging, but also the most rewarding :) Maybe thats what I'll talk about in my artists statement next year....

I was going to show some pretty art to you today, but I left my SD card at my moms. So nothing for now.

I am just going to mention however, that this whole rejection thing is the most ridiculous emotional rollar coaster I've ever been on. One moment I'm totally pleased that I get another year to work on my drawing, then I'm anxious about making a desicion about what to do with that time, then I'm totally depressed and empty because everything in life seems juuuust out of reach.
No calarts, no boyfriend, no best friends, no fun nights, no money. This year is nothing like I wanted it to be. GAR.
I'm pretty stressed out right now. I picked up a large gig next week, then the week after I have to work over 25 hours and its my BIRTHDAY WEEK which is so unfair. And I'm trying to start animating, make a desicion about next year, and its just so hard sometimes. I don't want to get out of bed for anything anymore. I find myself bursting into tears at the most random moments. I have no motivation to do anything. I have to build up the energy to do anything....Sometimes I wonder whether or not this means I'm just going through regular teenage things or if I'm really that depressed. I can't tell. Oh well. Life goes on.
When my portfolio comes back I am going to burn it.

Gee, for an artist I use a lot of words.
Yep, thats my rant for today. I just needed to vent somewhere, no one replies to my texts anymore xP


  1. :( That doesn't sound like fun. I feel the same way about my portfolio, I hate it so fucking much, it's a piece of shit!

    I can't really relate to the other problems you have at school but I think you may have just had some bad luck. Taking from what I read in your blog entries it seems like you live in a place, where is that btw, that doesn't accept you if you're different. That must suck. It's not really like that where I live. So if you want to get out of there next year that'd probably be a good idea. Have you applied to other art schools? I think a year of foundation could do you well, I know it will for me. If you want to know of some schools schools that are cheap and offer good foundation just send me a PM on AB or email me.

    Just thought I'd drop you a comment since no one's returning your texts I could at least respond to your blog entry :).

    P.S. Hawaii's not that great and it's crazy expensive (like $8 for a 4 litre jug of milk expensive haha). It's basically like a typical american state but it's warm. West coast is where it's at :). Everyone's really laid back and friendly. They'll embrace you for being weird! I'm kinda weird but people like me for it here.

    I hope that helps, sorry if it didn't.

  2. Tell you what. If you want notes, I will offer up my help whenever you post art. I may not BE CalArts, but progress is inevitable. You can do this!